Monthly Archives: December 2013

Everything is telling me that life will be okay, great even. Or that I’m stupid.  Some days it’s a toss up.  My tampon wrappers have witty slogans to reassure me that even though I’m bleeding I should go for a … Continue reading →

6:00am-Wake up when Maxhole the dog gets on my bed and punches me in the face with his foot. 6:12am-Think about Christmas when I was little and how I couldn’t sleep the night before and now I just want to … Continue reading →

It’s Christmas eve.  Already.  How’d that happen?   12:00pm-Sitting at my desk at work and think “Fuck it.”  I’m going home 3 1/2 hours early.  No one is at work anyway. 12:13pm- Have second thoughts about going to Safeway.  Not … Continue reading →

Knock, knock. Who’s There? Health insurance. Health insurance who? Health insurance you ain’t got none.

The cannibalism behind the Safeway in a small California town is still going strong. But the cannibals are experimenting, expanding their little cave behind the Safeway dumpster. My mom’s friend with the drug-scorched brain has informed us that now the … Continue reading →

WeBMD: Hey girrrrrl.  How you been? Me:  I’ve been better. WebMD: What’s going on? Me: Oh just some worry over my health. WebMD: Tell me all about it.  I want to hear everything. Me: Well, the other day you told … Continue reading →

If I hear one more God damn Bing Crosby Christmas song this place is going up in flames.  My co-worker seems incapable of listening to holiday music without it traveling to every area of the library’s basement.  I’m going to … Continue reading →