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Monthly Archives: January 2014
Hey….I know this kid. I was this kid. And I’m still going places. Mostly boring places like work, the hallway at work, the bathroom at work, another hallway at work, my desk at work, that window at work that doesn’t … Continue reading
How do I top my story about eating a million peaches and then shitting in the tub? Hit up a couple iffy Seattle sushi restaurants and then shit in a gutter? While I have plenty more entertaining poop stories (more … Continue reading
I just don’t understand why someone would eat Taco Bell right before having sex. You might as well just say “I’m going to swallow this entire box of Ex-Lax and go on a six hour drive where there are no … Continue reading
So I went to Rite Aid yesterday because I needed a razor because the one I’ve been using for a year broke when I went to shave my armpits yesterday. I rarely shave my legs unless it gets too long … Continue reading
This is the reason I write. If I ever wrote a novel and tried to read it to somebody I’d have to turn around and face the wall. Or loudly read it to someone from another room.
When I watch a foreign movie I turn the volume up like making the movie louder will magically make me understand the language. I use my turn signal in empty parking lots. You never know when a ninja car is … Continue reading
If I do have a guardian angel, I have the feeling it’s settling back with a bowl of popcorn for the entertainment value of the dumb things I do.
Dear Work- Get fucked. I quit. I’ve given you my loyalty for the last 16 years. I’ve worked hard for you. I’ve taken the crappy projects no one else wants to do or think they’re too good to do. You … Continue reading