Special thanks to Gloria for coming up with the term cookie shaming.
Sometimes the only reason to go to work is the thought that someone might bring cookies or donuts. Last week it was maple bars layered with bits of bacon. This week it was a couple boxes of Girl Scout cookies. Those things are crack. And I swear to all that is holy they’re making those cookies smaller so you have to take more. Or I’m just a greedy cookie pig. I got shamed by the person who brought the cookies. I got cookie shamed.
Tag A Longs (or s I keep calling them Tagalogs but I think that one is a language) and those powdery lemon cookies. I did a couple of cookie walk bys and grabbed two. Of course I was in clear line of sight of the person who brought them and I could feel her watching me. I pretended to take the entire tray of cookies back to my desk (I’m a damn lady and was raised to know how to share. I’d never take an entire box of cookies meant for everyone….okay maybe when I’m in the comfort of my own home I’ll take a box into my closet and eat the entre thing while sitting underneath all the clothes that don’t fit me any more, weeping and hiccupping and wondering where I went wrong in life) and the cookie bringer began to make snide comments. Just little things about taking too many cookies. My co-workers swooped by and took several handfuls and yet she singled me out. What surprised me most was how ashamed I felt, how reprimanded, even if it was under the guise of “I’m just kidding.” A co-worker noticed the cookie shaming and asked me about it the next morning “Motherfucker,” she breathed in exasperation and handed me a couple Oreos. I felt loved.