Fitted Sheets

I know my mom taught me how to fold fitted sheets.  I my have spaced off (most likely) or was thinking about what I was going to eat next.  Or maybe I was thinking about how she knows how to do all the stuff I’ll ever master like making a bed properly, boiling water, being kind to people and not tripping toddlers.  Lord knows she’s tried to teach me a lot over the years.  I was too busy thinking about a giant bowl of Sugar Smacks or if trying to sleep for 15 hours straight meant I was depressed or just really tired.fitted sheets.png

I’ve come to the conclusion that since she knows how to fold fitted sheets, she must be into some hardcore witchcraft.

I decided to try to be an adult the other day (I have two sets of real adult sheets instead of the Minions sheets I’ve been sleeping on for a couple of years) and went to fold a fitted sheet right out of the dryer.  It was warm and soft, very unlike my soul.  I matched up two corners and was thinking I might even clean the toilet and dust afterward. I was so proud of myself for adulting all over the place that I didn’t even notice the cursing in the room.  It was me.  Standing over a fitted sheet that looked like a hot air balloon that had been dropped on its head.

“Fuck fuck-ity motherfucking stupid dong fuck being an adult is stupid” I scream- hissed and then crumpled up the fitted sheet and threw it in the back of the closet like a dirty secret.

fitted sheets2.jpg

And then I went and ate a big ass bowl of Frosted Flakes because I was out of Sugar Smacks.  Still haven’t scrubbed the toilet or dusted.  Fuck it.

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About jkhughes2

I'm fat and I hate my job. Well kinda. Kinda on both of those. I love to read and work in a library where they don't let me read. But as long as I get to be around books I'm happy. I once wanted to be a writer and then realized that I'm too lazy to write a book but not too lazy to write a blog. And blogging is like keeping a journal except my posts are the equivalent of verbal diarrhea. And oh yeah. I have really low self-esteem. I have a dog named Max but I call him Maxhole. He's the first dog I've ever had. I find his daily life way more interesting than mine or most people I know. That's about it. I hate politics and computer books. I secretly wish I was Doctor Who but can't remember if that's "was" or "were." Now that's it.
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4 Responses to Fitted Sheets

  1. Laine Keeney says:

    I can relate to this in so many ways. Recently I found a video that teaches you how to fold a fitted sheet, and I came *this close* to watching it. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.

  2. Sue Combelic-Ghaly says:

    You nailed it. 69 years old and still need advice on how to do housework properly

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  3. Kathy says:

    Here’s the best way to deal with folding sheets: take them off the bed, wash them, put them back on the bed.

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