The Fraud

There’s something I want to do but I’m afraid to do it.  I want to apply for a writer’s grant.  The only problem is the one I want to apply for is for real writers.  I’m talking Virginia Woolf and shit.  Writers that write important, life changing novels.  Writers that people remember 100 years from now.    I write about farts, pooping in bathtubs after eating too many peaches, cannibals living behind Safeway and ,Jesus, just a bunch of meaningless crap.  I lack a lot, A LOT, of faith in myself as a writer (and a human being.)  I don’t like calling myself a writer because it makes me feel like a pretentious asshole. A complete fraud.fraud  I say I scribble because when you say you scribble people think “Oh, you just write your weird little ideas down in your weird little notebooks” and they’re right.  To apply for this grant I’d have to submit some pieces of writing, some of my fiction.  Just thinking of that makes me throw up a little in my mouth.  And in my lap.  I imagine the form letter I’d get back: “Dear Ms. Hughes- Thank you for your interest in The Gift of Freedom writing grant.  However, we are not interested in stories about flatulence, black out drunk drag queens or the low self-esteem that happens at the end of the day when your foundation starts to melt.”


About jkhughes2

I'm fat and I hate my job. Well kinda. Kinda on both of those. I love to read and work in a library where they don't let me read. But as long as I get to be around books I'm happy. I once wanted to be a writer and then realized that I'm too lazy to write a book but not too lazy to write a blog. And blogging is like keeping a journal except my posts are the equivalent of verbal diarrhea. And oh yeah. I have really low self-esteem. I have a dog named Max but I call him Maxhole. He's the first dog I've ever had. I find his daily life way more interesting than mine or most people I know. That's about it. I hate politics and computer books. I secretly wish I was Doctor Who but can't remember if that's "was" or "were." Now that's it.
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5 Responses to The Fraud

  1. Mamasan says:

    Then just give up and don’t even try! Who was Virginia Woolf before she was Virginia Woolf? She was Jennifer Hughes! What’s the worst thing that could happen if you try? And what’s the best thing that could happen? Come on lass, I didn’t raise a quitter, someone who doesn’t believe in their self, someone who’s afraid to even give life a go! I raised a Foofer!! !So quit whining and start winning!!! Goooooooo for it!!!

  2. Lol, I think you should try! Also fyi- if I were going to give a grant, I would be looking for the one who could tell the best farting/pooping/cannibal stories, so you would practically be guaranteed one!

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