And when I get bored I get into trouble. Google is my best friend and my best enemy and my go-to when I need to look at cats stuck in couches or what Thom Yorke is really singing in that one Radiohead song.
Sometimes I get nauseous for no good reason. I think it’s anxiety or the idea that life is so really boring that it makes me want to vomit. So when I get this feeling, the only food I want is Top Ramen because it’s uncomplicated and I don’t need to read the directions to cook it. Same with shampooing. I like knowing I can lather, rinse and repeat if I want. I also like knowing I don’t need those directions. And I’ve been tying my shoes all on my own for years now.
Bu I got to thinking-because when I get bored I start to think and that’s when I usually really get into trouble-Top Ramen probably isn’t such a healthy choice. I should probably eat some raw veggies. I have a friend who eats raw carrots when she’s nauseous but the thought of eating raw carrots when I feel like upchucking makes me want to upchuck some more and then I think about chunks of raw carrots and oh, it’s a vicious cycle. I should probably eat plain toast, applesauce. But you know what? I want boiled noodles and whatever the hell seasoning is in those foil packets that look like foreign condoms.
I asked Google-we’re on a first name basis-“On a scale of 1-10 how bad is Top Ramen for you?”
From what I’ve read, Top Ramen is prepared to kill me. I can’t pronounce most of the ingredients and Google inferred that since I’m closer to 40 than 20 I shouldn’t be eating it at all since if you’re 20 you can live on the stuff without harming any major organs.
So I thought, okay. I’ll take better care of myself. If I feel nauseous, I’ll sip some ginger tea, do some deep breathing, even take some Dramamine (that really helps but probably causes brain tumors so I’m not Googling it).
And then yesterday happened. Nothing bad happened. I didn’t have a shit day, no one was an asshole to me (or more of an asshole to me than usual). But I got in the car and somehow got to Safeway, gave the entire produce section the finger and bought a shitload of Top Ramen.
Take that Google! And 20 year olds who can eat anything without consequences.
The moral of this story? Nothing. I just like Top Ramen.
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