I Got Bored….

And when I get bored I get into trouble. Google is my best friend and my best enemy and my go-to when I need to look at cats stuck in couches or what Thom Yorke is really singing in that one Radiohead song.
Sometimes I get nauseous for no good reason. I think it’s anxiety or the idea that life is so really boring that it makes me want to vomit. So when I get this feeling, the only food I want is Top Ramen because it’s uncomplicated and I don’t need to read the directions to cook it. Same with shampooing. I like knowing I can lather, rinse and repeat if I want. I also like knowing I don’t need those directions. And I’ve been tying my shoes all on my own for years now.
Bu I got to thinking-because when I get bored I start to think and that’s when I usually really get into trouble-Top Ramen probably isn’t such a healthy choice. I should probably eat some raw veggies. I have a friend who eats raw carrots when she’s nauseous but the thought of eating raw carrots when I feel like upchucking makes me want to upchuck some more and then I think about chunks of raw carrots and oh, it’s a vicious cycle. I should probably eat plain toast, applesauce. But you know what? I want boiled noodles and whatever the hell seasoning is in those foil packets that look like foreign condoms.
I asked Google-we’re on a first name basis-“On a scale of 1-10 how bad is Top Ramen for you?”
From what I’ve read, Top Ramen is prepared to kill me. I can’t pronounce most of the ingredients and Google inferred that since I’m closer to 40 than 20 I shouldn’t be eating it at all since if you’re 20 you can live on the stuff without harming any major organs.
So I thought, okay. I’ll take better care of myself. If I feel nauseous, I’ll sip some ginger tea, do some deep breathing, even take some Dramamine (that really helps but probably causes brain tumors so I’m not Googling it).
And then yesterday happened. Nothing bad happened. I didn’t have a shit day, no one was an asshole to me (or more of an asshole to me than usual). But I got in the car and somehow got to Safeway, gave the entire produce section the finger and bought a shitload of Top Ramen.
Take that Google! And 20 year olds who can eat anything without consequences.
The moral of this story? Nothing. I just like Top Ramen.


About jkhughes2

I'm fat and I hate my job. Well kinda. Kinda on both of those. I love to read and work in a library where they don't let me read. But as long as I get to be around books I'm happy. I once wanted to be a writer and then realized that I'm too lazy to write a book but not too lazy to write a blog. And blogging is like keeping a journal except my posts are the equivalent of verbal diarrhea. And oh yeah. I have really low self-esteem. I have a dog named Max but I call him Maxhole. He's the first dog I've ever had. I find his daily life way more interesting than mine or most people I know. That's about it. I hate politics and computer books. I secretly wish I was Doctor Who but can't remember if that's "was" or "were." Now that's it.
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5 Responses to I Got Bored….

  1. JF says:

    All my 5 grandchildren love it and call it “Our Grandfather’s soup”. 😉

  2. Morguie says:

    The secret Ramen seasoning is an assload of sodium mixed with caramel coloring #2…get it, #2? Ok I am sick and twisted and now that I am here, I gotta tell you this year has been a real barrel of monkeys…waist high in excrement. Been too long since I came here. I MUST bump you to the “urgent” folder in my Feedly app so I read you before I do anything else. Nice to see you my friend. Sorry it has been so long.

    • jkhughes2 says:

      I read all your stuff but sometimes I just read and don’t comment even though your posts are awesome. Like your last post. I was blown away by it. You’re not sick and twisted. Top Ramen is code for massive diarrhea.
      I’m glad I found a fellow weirdo!

    • jkhughes2 says:

      And sometimes I don’t comment because I get distracted by shiny things.

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