Do you ever get on Facebook and see that row of pictures that says People You May Know and you look at a particular picture and think “Christ on a crutch! That guy should have douchebag tattooed on his face because he wrote in his profile that he thinks he’s the greatest thing ever created in the universe.” Who do I know that would even be acquaintances with this person let alone Facebook friends?
So then I usually spend an hour and a half looking through all the People You May Know, clicking on some and try not to judge my friends for being friends with someone who looks like he might have 30 bodies stashed under his floorboards. Or someone who looks like her mother spent way too much time telling her daughter she was special. And that’s why in her profile picture makes her look like a Glamor Shots victim.
Then I spend another two hours searching Facebook for people I went to elementary and middle school with and I can’t picture them with adult faces so I’m squinting at a picture thinking “Is that her? Whatshername I sat next to in 3rd grade?”
I had to stop when I found my 8th grade teacher. A few years ago I thought about sending a Facebook friend request to him, the teacher who encouraged me to write and then I remembered he thought I was going to be the next Stephen King because I loved to write. Close. I tape the covers of the new Stephen King books that come into the library. That’s a lie. My co-worker Kathy tapes the adult fiction. I tape the kid books about giant bugs and some mouse named Stilton who is some kind of sleuth and the all the Divergent and Twilight books.
It’s not good snooping around on Facebook for people you thought you knew or remembered only to find they’ve grown older than you , done better than you, can handle gluten better than you.
That was depressing.
I’m going to head over to YouTube and watch cats getting so spooked they run into walls.