I Work At the Libarry

I work with a lot of smart people.  I’m talking SCARY SMART.  So smart that when they start talking to (at) me I break into a muggy sweat that trickles down my back and soaks the waistband of my jeans and all I can think of is the lyrics to Kajagoogoo’s Too Shy and what the hell is a Kajagoogoo and I heard the lead singer is gay and I have a gay brother so maybe they could be gay together.  And then I start to think “Am I getting a case of swamp ass from the sweat soaking my back?”  In my head I’m screaming “Shut the fuck up about computers!  You’re not even speaking English.  Talk to me about Doctor Who.  I can whip your ass at Doctor Who trivia.”

But sometimes really smart people say the dumbest things.  They’ll be talking away, using 75 cent vocabulary words.  And then they’ll say something staggeringly stupid, so stupid that I’ll be thinking about it for years:

LIBARRY.

I work with terrifyingly brilliant people who say “The libarry is open until 9 tonight” or “The libarry has a wide selection of DVDs.”

Holy.  Shit.

You librarians (sorry, libarians) went to college and some of you even went on to grad school and earned a Ph.D. and you say “Libarry?”  Do me a favor.  Say Arkansas for me.  And Illinois.

Yeah.  That’s what I thought.  You smarty pants say the S at the end of both of those words.

A lot of times I get hung up on the fact that I didn’t go to college and that I’m surrounded by brainiacs.  I give in to mean thoughts: the librarians don’t deem you good enough to talk to because you didn’t go to college.  I’ll admit, reference librarians are an intimidating bunch of people.  They’re untouchables sitting behind their giant desk on the third floor, answering the phone with purring intelligent voices.

But you know what?  Their shit stinks just like the rest of us.

At least I know how to say library.

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About jkhughes2

I'm fat and I hate my job. Well kinda. Kinda on both of those. I love to read and work in a library where they don't let me read. But as long as I get to be around books I'm happy. I once wanted to be a writer and then realized that I'm too lazy to write a book but not too lazy to write a blog. And blogging is like keeping a journal except my posts are the equivalent of verbal diarrhea. And oh yeah. I have really low self-esteem. I have a dog named Max but I call him Maxhole. He's the first dog I've ever had. I find his daily life way more interesting than mine or most people I know. That's about it. I hate politics and computer books. I secretly wish I was Doctor Who but can't remember if that's "was" or "were." Now that's it.
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3 Responses to I Work At the Libarry

  1. gloria says:

    OMG….who says that! I’m embarrassed for those people who work with you…

  2. Anthony says:

    I imagine them sitting around a table at lunch discussing what kind of sammich they are eating.
    🙂

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